1. – strong and barely controllable emotion
– an intense desire or enthusiasm for something
– a thing arousing enthusiasm.
2. synonyms:
eagerness, fire, obsession, fixation, addiction
3. origin:
– Latin “pati” – “to suffer”
Passion – an intense emotion compelling, enthusiasm or desire for anything.
I have never had it. When I look back there was never anything that I was really fully committed to. I started to dance, paint, sing, play the guitar, ride the unicycle – never did any of these things last longer than a couple weeks, months or rarely years. And when I quit there was this emptiness again that I tried to fill by looking for the next project. I always wanted to be something but I was nothing. No passion.
What about sports you ask? Hell no, I hated it. In school I was always the last to be voted on a team – without exception. I remember as if it was yesterday that one day I came home from school bawling my eyes out because my sports teacher had given me a D- at the end of our basketball unit. I was the only one who got this grade while the worst grade you could really get in our sports course was a B- (and that was BAD). I was destroyed and from that day on I hated any physical activity even more.
As a teenager I was chubby. I was not overweight but always ashamed of myself even though nobody understood why. I started obsessing about food and losing weight but still I didn’t do any exercise. I would go running three times a week for a month but then stop because it was more torture than anything else. I would exercise on the floor of my living room while watching workout videos and trying to mimic those crazy moves but I stopped after a couple weeks because I didn’t see any changes in my body. No discipline.
I was jealous of people who had the drive to go to the gym regularly, eat healthy or had found a sport that they truly enjoyed. It seemed so easy but for me it was something that I was convinced was impossible. Of course I would have never admitted that I felt like that. Instead I told myself that I’m just not a person who is into sports and that I will be better at something else, trying to make myself believe that I didn’t even have to try anymore. Not born that way. Period.
As years went by nothing ever changed. I was counting calories, struggling with my weight – still not athletic and disliking any kind of sports.
I was in that phase again where I would try to lose weight and get toned with workout videos in my living room when my husband told me about “Crossfit” and asked me if I would like to join. “Oh no, no. I don’t like weight lifting and I don’t want to look like them. I have my videos.”
That was my answer. As much as he tried to change my mind, I would not go. But really I was looking at their bodies with envy and was wishing that I could back squat my own bodyweight or lift a heavy barbell up over my head. Especially like these women – so strong and brave. But no, I was stubborn. Not born that way. No discipline. No passion. I would start, fail and give up. End of story.
And then there I was again – ready to tell me husband for the 25th time that I do not want to try Crossfit. He finally said that he would quit bugging me about it but only if I go to the free class that they offer. I said yes, knowing that I will hate it, that I will embarrass myself and walk out of there completely humiliated. BUT my husband would never annoy me again so I went.
The night before I did not sleep. I was afraid. I knew it would only be a personal trainer and myself. No way to hide. I had never ever touched a barbell before; I had never lifted more than a case of water.
When I got there in the morning I was shaking and sweating. Fear. Fear of what I would experience in there but ready to get it over with and prove myself another time: not born that way.
I went in there. An hour later I walked out of there – and I was in love. Enthusiastic, smiling from ear to ear, adrenaline pumping through my veins, calling my husband, screaming: “I LOVE IT!!!” and telling him every detail about it.
That was five months ago. I am still loving it, I am still smiling on my way home from the box. PASSION. I am passionate about it. I have not quit yet, even though I failed a couple times. I am getting better and I will not give up. It is not even so much Crossfit that I am passionate about, it is the opportunity that Crossfit gives me everyday: pushing myself beyond the limits, mind over body, doing things that I never thought I would be able to do. Feeling pain, pushing through and completely forgetting everything around me in that one moment that I pick up the barbell or pull the rower handle one more time even though I feel like dying.
I truly believe I have found my passion. Ever since I joined Crossfit my thinking, my habits, my life has changed. I completely changed my eating habits from counting calories to a clean diet, I get up at 5am to go to the box, I am getting stronger – physically and mentally, I am learning something new about myself, nutrition or fitness everyday. And most important: I am proud of my body. I am proud of my body.
I have learned that you cannot force yourself to be something that you are really not. I know I could dance, but I am not a dancer.I could paint, but I am not a painter, no. Do something you enjoy, do something that makes you look forward to tomorrow. Do something that does not feel like a waste of your time, do something that comes easy even though it might not be easy.
If you want to find something that you are passionate about you might need to take the risk of getting hurt, being humiliated or failing. There is truly nothing you can’t do as long as you put your mind to it and tell yourself that you will get there. I can and I will. I can. And I will. Don’t let someone tell you that you cannot do it. But more important: don’t let yourself tell yourself that you cannot do it. You will never succeed with a mindset like this.
Find your passion. Go out there, try new things, push your limits, fall, get back up and see what happens. If you are successful and you will find something that you love, you will see how much more sense your life makes. It will be easier; you will have new goals, something to work for, and something to look forward to. You will be proud to show people what you have accomplished. You will be proud of yourself. Dig out your deepest dreams and work on them – doesn’t matter how crazy they are. It is not always easy but it is possible.
Eat up and lift heavy 